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Retirement Options… including Costa Rica

August 16th, 2017

Retirement Options – Humor Alert

Looking for that perfect retirement spot?  Here are some ideas!

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…

You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.

You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??



You can retire to California where…

You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.

The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

You know how to eat an artichoke.

You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

Interested? Read on!


You can retire to New York City where…

You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ….

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.

You think Central Park is “nature.”

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).

You think eye contact is an act of aggression.



You can retire to Minnesota where…

You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ..

Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.

You have seventeen recipes for casserole.

The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.

The highest level of criticism is “He is different, she is different or It was different!


You can retire to The Deep South where…

You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

“Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.

“He needed killin” is a valid defense.

Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

Everywhere is either: “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder”.



You can retire to Colorado where…

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.

The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.



You can retire to the Nebraska where…

You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.

You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.

You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at.



You can retire to Florida where…

You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.

Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.

Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.


Then there is: COSTA RICA

You learn that the friendliness of the Costa Rican people and the climate has not been exaggerated.

If from the USA you leave behind the thought police and (with limitations) and that political correctness crap.

You can and will be awakened by loud cannon fire at 5 AM several days each year as celebrations commence for everything like some Saints birthday you never heard of to local town fiestas or because they are testing the cannon.

You discover that Latinos, and particularly Ticos, LOVE to party (noisily) and dance at all hours of the day or night. This noise multiplies by a factor of 20 if it is on any holiday…  Independence day, Mothers Day, or ??? because there are a bunch of holidays you never heard of.

You find the perfect place to live and after a year or two (or six weeks), your neighbor decides to raise chickens and the roosters start calling at midnight or 3 AM. No, there are no zoning laws here. Just be happy your neighbor prefers chickens to pigs.

Improvement projects that can excite you… such as the infamous route 27 (Caldera highway) from San Jose to the sea… can (and DID) take 35 years to complete and when completed costs $7+ in tolls one way to drive on it. Oh… be careful of the huge landslides! Big OOPS in those design plans!

The vaunted health care is perhaps not quite as advertised especially if you use the (also vaunted) public heath care system.

Drinking and driving is 100% legal here! Cheers!

Stops signs and traffic signals are optional.

Costa Rica is bankrupt but because of the socialist government they just keep on spending.

Potholes in the rainy season can eat small cars.

4 Responses to “Retirement Options… including Costa Rica”

  1. Atheria on August 17, 2017 6:49 am

    HAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks for the laugh!

  2. Nely on August 17, 2017 1:15 pm

    Loved this! Ha-Ha! Thanks 🙂

  3. Nancy on April 10, 2018 12:07 pm

    This was great! Being from Texas, I had to laugh at the remark about Y’all. I’ve been learning Spanish and recently learned that Ustedes is “you all”…which prompted a question to my hubby, “I wonder how we would say ‘all y’all’?” Hahahaha!

  4. Tim on April 11, 2018 8:46 am

    Well actually, ustedes means just you, but the plural form if referring to more than one person… y’all.

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